Bullying
A practical guide to recognizing bullying, protecting a child, documenting concerns, and working with the school.
Information to help families and individuals recognize concerns, document what happened, and understand possible next steps.
A practical guide to recognizing bullying, protecting a child, documenting concerns, and working with the school.
A practical guide to popularity, belonging, group influence, unwritten social rules, and independent friendships.
Information on recognizing workplace violence and harassment, reporting concerns, and understanding safety responsibilities.
Bullying is not limited to hitting or obvious threats. It often involves deliberate harmful behaviour combined with an imbalance of power: a child may have greater physical strength, social influence, popularity, or access to private information they use against someone else. Repeated incidents often reveal the pattern. A single serious incident can still require prompt intervention, even when its classification is uncertain.
| Form | What parents may hear or notice |
|---|---|
| Physical | Hitting, pushing, kicking, tripping, blocking or intimidating; injuries or missing/damaged belongings. |
| Verbal | Name-calling, threats, insults, mocking, humiliation, or repeated hurtful teasing. |
| Social / relational | Deliberate exclusion, rumours, manipulation of friendships, turning a group against one child. |
| Cyber | Hurtful messages, harassment, embarrassing posts, spreading material online, or abuse in digital groups. |
Power can be social as well as physical. A popular group can isolate another child or pressure classmates to participate. Witnesses may join in because they want acceptance or fear becoming the next target. This helps explain why bullying can continue in plain sight even when individual children privately believe it is wrong.
Repeated rejection, friendship manipulation, and rumours can be deeply harmful even without physical contact. Ask about lunchtime groups, transitions, games, online chats, and who decides whether your child may participate.
Warning signs are reasons to ask questions, not proof that bullying has occurred. Look for a pattern, a recent change, or a combination of concerns.
• Unexplained injuries, missing or damaged items, or fear of particular places or students.
• Reluctance to go to school, frequent avoidance, reduced concentration, or falling interest in learning.
• Loss of friendships, social withdrawal, loneliness, anxiety, sadness, or a noticeable drop in confidence.
• Distress after receiving messages, sudden avoidance of devices, or unusual worry about online interactions.
Choose an unhurried moment. Ask open questions such as “Who did you spend lunch with?”, “Was there a time you felt left out or uncomfortable?”, or “What happens when you ask them to stop?” Avoid leading questions that tell the child what to say. Listen to the experience and emotions before proposing a solution. A helpful response is: “Thank you for telling me. I’m glad you did. We’ll work out what needs to happen to keep you safe.” Let the child know that adults will help and that reporting is not tattling.
Children benefit from rehearsing a few simple words before they face pressure. The point is to communicate a boundary confidently—not to win an argument. The best response depends on the child’s age, the situation, and whether speaking would increase risk.
“Stop. I don’t like it!”
Another option: “I don’t like it when you say that! That is not OK!”
If the behaviour continues: “I already told you to stop. I’m going to tell an adult!” When asking for help: “This has happened more than once. I asked them to stop, and I need help staying safe.”
1. Role-play a familiar situation at home. Practise a calm voice and a short statement, not a speech.
2. If it is safe, the child can state the boundary once, disengage, and move toward trusted people.
3. Teach them not to answer insults with insults, threaten retaliation, or remain in danger to make a point.
4. Identify two or three trusted adults and rehearse exactly how to report the incident.
5. If there is a threat, physical aggression, or fear of serious harm, prioritize leaving and getting adult help; no verbal confrontation is required. Some children freeze or cannot respond in the moment. That does not make them responsible for what happened. Assertiveness is a useful skill, but stopping bullying is an adult and school responsibility.
A precise timeline is more useful than a general statement that “there is bullying.” Record what your child describes as promptly as possible, distinguishing what they experienced from what you personally witnessed. Keep original evidence when available.
• Record the date, approximate time, setting, and activity (class, recess, hallway, bus, online group).
• Record exactly what was said or done; identify quotations clearly and avoid speculation about motives.
• Record who was present, including children, adults, and witnesses. Save available messages, screenshots, images, or school notes.
• Record how the incident was handled: what your child did, which adult was told, how that adult responded, and whether the behaviour recurred.
• Keep a record of the effect on the child: fear, lost participation, school avoidance, distress, or damaged relationships.
Encourage your child to keep a record. When something feels wrong or unfair, encourage your child to write down what happened, when, where, and who was involved. Small incidents may reveal a larger pattern over time. These notes help families maintain their own documented history rather than relying solely on school records.
Keep communication records outside school-controlled accounts. Use your personal email for school communications and maintain dated copies of emails, calls, meetings, promises, and follow-ups. Store evidence securely, as access to school-managed accounts may be restricted or removed.
Review the school’s conduct and anti-bullying procedures: how to report, who investigates, and what follow-up is expected. Prepare a short chronological account, the evidence, the impact on the child, and your requested outcomes. Facts help move the discussion away from arguments over labels or intentions.
Explain the concern calmly and directly, including how your child is affected. Ask what will happen next rather than accepting a vague assurance that “we will look into it.”
• Investigation: Who will assess the reports and speak to relevant students or witnesses?
• Immediate protection: What steps will keep my child safe at recess, lunch, in hallways, and online school spaces?
• Trusted adult: Which adult will be my child’s safe contact, and how will my child reach them?
• Responsibility: Who will implement each safety measure, and when will it begin?
• Privacy: What information can the school share with our family, consistent with student privacy?
• Follow-up: When will we review the results, and what will trigger a stronger response?
• Teacher follow-through: How will teachers consistently reinforce classroom expectations, address harmful behaviour, and follow through on agreed safety measures?
• Parent involvement: Are parents encouraged to teach children about bullying before incidents occur, including the four types of bullying, respectful behaviour, recognizing warning signs, and how to respond safely? Does the school provide practical examples and guidance so parents can reinforce anti-bullying education at home as a preventive measure?
• Staff training: Have teachers and supervising staff received anti-bullying training, including how to recognize social exclusion, intimidation, and repeated harmful behaviour?
• Student education: Are students receiving regular anti-bullying lessons? Can they recognize the four types of bullying—physical, verbal, social/relational, and cyberbullying? Do lessons explain peer pressure, exclusion, reporting, and how bystanders can respond safely?
• Practical skills: Do students practise responding to realistic bullying situations through examples, discussions, or role-playing, including how to seek help, support someone being targeted, and intervene safely?
Send a brief written summary of the agreed steps and dates. Keep checking whether they are implemented and whether the child’s everyday experience actually improves. If the behaviour persists, request a reassessment and stronger measures. A completed meeting does not mean the safety problem is resolved.
Restorative approaches may help students understand the harm caused by their actions, take responsibility, and rebuild relationships. However, they are not appropriate in every bullying situation, especially where intimidation, repeated behaviour, or an imbalance of power makes a child feel unsafe.
• Do not force reconciliation. Mediation or restorative meetings should only be considered when the child feels safe and is willing to participate.
• Prioritize safety. Do not expect a child to meet face-to-face with someone who has bullied them simply to resolve the situation.
• Require accountability. An apology does not replace responsibility for harmful behaviour or the need to prevent it from happening again.
• Look for meaningful change. Changed behaviour over time matters more than promises, apologies, or a single successful meeting.
• Respect the child's decision. A child should not be pressured to forgive, become friends, or participate in a restorative process against their wishes.
Restorative practices should support a child's safety and well-being, not replace protective measures or shift responsibility onto the child who experienced bullying.
Peer groups shape what children think is normal. Children may copy aggression to gain approval, avoid rejection, or protect themselves from a dominant group. Sometimes they justify actions that conflict with their own values because they fear losing belonging. Parents can discuss these pressures without excusing the behaviour.
• Refuse to join in, laugh, forward humiliating posts, or reinforce an insult.
• Support the targeted child in small, safe ways: sit with them, include them, walk with them, or check on them afterward.
• Tell an adult what happened and ask for help. Children should not be expected to physically intervene or confront someone dangerous. Encourage friendships with children who show kindness, self-control, and respect. Clubs, sports, arts, mentoring, and peer-support programs can widen a child’s circle and reduce the pressure to remain with an unhealthy group. School staff should reinforce inclusion rather than treating exclusion as harmless.
The highlighted book material discusses how children learn from adults, social groups, and media. Children exposed repeatedly to violent or harmful content may begin to treat aggression as ordinary; online approval can amplify impulsive decisions. The answer is not simply removing technology but helping children think through the consequences of messages, posts, and group participation. At home, aim for warmth with clear boundaries. Very harsh, punitive approaches may teach compliance through fear without developing empathy or conflict skills. On the other hand, unclear limits can make self-control harder to learn. Consistent expectations, explanations, attention, and respectful conflict resolution provide more useful models. Family stress, separation, instability, or lack of support can create challenges for some children, but no family structure makes bullying inevitable. Avoid judging a child or parent on the basis of a household arrangement. Instead, identify the support, stability, guidance, and positive relationships the child needs. When a family faces significant stress or trauma, counselling, community programs, mentoring, and constructive activities can offer additional help. These supports are meant to address underlying needs, not to excuse harmful actions.
1. Listen to the child and establish whether the behaviour is ongoing, public, or threatening.
2. Preserve evidence when safe to do so: screenshots, dates, account names, and relevant messages. Do not forward harmful material unnecessarily.
3. Help the child stop engaging in hostile exchanges. Consider blocking or platform reporting after necessary evidence is saved.
4. Tell the appropriate school staff when students or school relationships are involved, even if the incident occurred outside school hours.
5. Seek urgent assistance for credible threats, serious sexual exploitation, or immediate safety risks. Some severe incidents may require authorities rather than only an informal school process. A child who is being harassed online may show changes in device use, mood, or willingness to socialize. Monitor with sensitivity: make sure the child can ask for help without fearing automatic blame or punishment for reporting the problem.
Recovery is more than learning a clever comeback. Children need dependable relationships, a safe daily environment, opportunities to belong, and practical ways to reflect on difficult experiences. Parents can discuss emotions, practise problem-solving, and demonstrate how they themselves handle setbacks.
• Offer regular conversations without forcing details; recognize that children may need time before opening up.
• Help the child identify strengths, supportive friendships, and activities that feel welcoming.
• Practise age-appropriate choices and responses through gentle role-play, not pressure to be fearless.
• Use conversation, drawing, or journaling to name feelings and see changes over time.
• Consider school counselling or other mental-health support if distress continues or daily functioning deteriorates. Resilience does not mean tolerating mistreatment. A child’s courage grows when adults provide protection and follow through, not when the child is left to solve the problem alone.
If agreed school steps are not reducing the incidents, ask for a documented review and additional intervention. Use the reporting path in the school policy and, as appropriate, raise unresolved concerns with higher school leadership or the relevant governing authority. Stay focused on what happened, what protection is needed, and what has or has not been implemented. For threats of violence, serious physical danger, or other incidents that may require legal action, seek immediate appropriate assistance. The highlighted material recognizes a role for law enforcement in severe situations; it does not suggest treating every disagreement as a criminal matter. Emergency safety takes priority over routine meeting procedures. Parents may also work with other families and school groups to improve reporting systems, staff training, playground supervision, and inclusive programs. Public advocacy and systemic change can matter, but they do not replace protecting the particular child now.
Not all workplace harassment looks aggressive. Sometimes it appears as teasing, nicknames, sarcasm, or a familiar joke repeated at someone else’s expense. Coworkers may laugh along to avoid embarrassment or stay quiet because they do not want to become the next target. Even the person being targeted may smile or laugh, not because they find the joke funny, but because they feel uncomfortable, want to fit in, or fear making the situation worse.
Laughter does not always mean enjoyment. Silence does not mean acceptance. And a smile is not permission to continue. An absence of complaints is not proof that everyone feels comfortable.
During a shift change, one worker repeatedly calls a coworker “Professor” whenever they report an equipment problem. Several people laugh. The coworker forces a smile and stops raising questions during the meeting. The group assumes everything is fine, but the nickname has made it harder for that person to participate.
The person making the remark may genuinely believe they are being funny. That does not erase the effect on someone else. One awkward remark is not automatically unlawful harassment, but repeated unwelcome conduct can become a serious workplace concern. When someone asks you to stop, listen and stop.
Before repeating a joke, ask yourself whether the person being discussed is actually enjoying it. Do not pressure someone to laugh. Bystanders can change the subject, avoid joining in, check privately with the person targeted, or calmly say that a nickname is unnecessary. Respect should not depend on whether someone feels safe enough to complain.
Comments about a coworker’s body, repeated invitations after a refusal, sexual jokes, and unwanted physical contact can make a workplace uncomfortable or unsafe. A remark does not become acceptable because someone calls it a compliment.
Two coworkers repeatedly speculate about another employee’s dating life during breaks. A colleague asks them to stop, but they dismiss the objection as being too serious. The targeted employee later avoids the break room.
Pay attention to whether comments or conduct are unwelcome and to the surrounding circumstances. Do not assume silence means consent. Keep professional conversations professional and respect requests to stop.
If safe, clearly tell the person the behaviour is unwelcome. You can also document what happened and use your employer’s reporting process. You do not have to confront someone directly before seeking help.
Employees may hesitate to report concerns because they fear embarrassment, being labelled difficult, damaged relationships, or negative consequences at work. Those fears deserve to be taken seriously.
A worker raises a concern about repeated insulting remarks. Afterward, coworkers stop including the worker in routine discussions. A supervisor should not assume the silence means the issue is resolved; the changed treatment also deserves attention.
Record dates, times, exact words where possible, witnesses, and how the situation affected your work. Separate what you personally observed from what someone else reported.
Review the workplace policy for reporting options, including alternatives when a direct supervisor is involved. Employers should assess concerns fairly and protect workers from prohibited reprisals for exercising workplace rights.
Threats, physical intimidation, pushing, blocking exits, or aggressive confrontations are not ordinary workplace disagreements. Take threats and unsafe conduct seriously.
A disagreement over a work assignment escalates. One worker steps into another person’s space, blocks the doorway, and says they will regret speaking up. Even without physical contact, the situation calls for a safety response.
Do not try to win an escalating argument. Move to safety when possible, seek assistance, and follow your workplace emergency and reporting procedures. Call emergency services if there is immediate danger.
Stress or an unusual mood alone does not prove someone is dangerous. Focus on specific conduct, credible threats, and observable escalation rather than stereotypes.
A written policy is a starting point, not the finish line. Workers need to know where to report concerns, what happens next, and how confidentiality and fair treatment will be handled.
Supervisors can intervene early when teasing becomes personal, take concerns seriously even when no formal complaint has been made, and follow up rather than assuming a quiet workplace is a healthy one.
Employees should avoid humiliating jokes, respect boundaries, and support coworkers without spreading rumours. Managers should examine concerns impartially and address harmful conduct consistently.
A respectful workplace is not one where everyone laughs at the same jokes. It is one where people can do their jobs, raise concerns, and be treated with dignity even when they disagree.
General educational information, not legal advice. Refer to the laws and reporting procedures applicable to your workplace.
Children naturally look for people who share interests, humour, routines, or experiences. A group may form around a sport, class, game, or shared friendship. A close group is not automatically a problem.
A clique develops a stronger inside–outside boundary: membership may depend on approval, status, or following unwritten rules. The question is not whether a group is close, but whether children are free to make their own choices.
“What brings your group together?” “Can people be friends with others outside it?” “What happens when someone new wants to join?”
Healthy friendships are mutual. Friends can disagree, spend time apart, and form other friendships without punishment. A controlling clique makes acceptance conditional.
A group that occasionally wants private time is not necessarily excluding someone unfairly. Watch instead for rules such as “You cannot talk to her,” “You have to choose us,” or “We decide who matters.”
“Do you feel free to be yourself with these friends, or do you have to earn your place every day?”
Children's social groups often develop informal hierarchies. Some children have greater influence over who participates, whose opinions matter, and which behaviours become acceptable within the group.
This influence can be positive or negative. Some children earn respect through kindness and fairness. Others maintain their position by controlling access to friendships, activities, or social approval.
Encourage children to notice classmates who treat others fairly, regardless of popularity. These children demonstrate that being respected is different from having social power.
A child may laugh at a joke they dislike, hide an interest, abandon another friend, or agree with a group opinion to avoid losing acceptance.
“If you are my friend, you will not talk to him” is a loyalty test, not a healthy friendship request. It teaches children to trade independence for approval.
Ask: “Have you ever agreed with something just to stay included?” Discuss how it felt and what a smaller, safer independent choice might look like next time.
A clique may decide who sits at a table, gets invited to a party, joins a group chat, or can speak to particular friends. Children often learn these rules through reactions rather than explicit instructions.
A child may be welcomed one day and ignored the next, without being told why. Unpredictability can make children work harder for approval.
“Who makes the rules in your group?” “Can anyone disagree?” “If you stopped following a rule, what would happen?”
Children may notice an unfair group decision but stay quiet because they worry they will become the next outsider. Not speaking up does not always mean they agree.
A child can keep talking to a friend privately, avoid joining gossip, change the subject, or invite someone into a different activity. They do not need to confront the most influential child publicly.
Ask your child to name one low-risk way to act according to their values even when friends disagree. Praise the decision, not whether it changes the whole group.
Children may not recognize their own influence. Instead of calling them mean or controlling, ask how their group decides who is included and how someone feels when plans are made without them.
Children can choose their close friends and set boundaries. They should not be forced to invite everyone to every private activity. The goal is to avoid cruelty, humiliation, and using social access as punishment.
Encourage your child to refuse gossip, let friends make independent choices, and welcome different opinions without threatening friendship.
Friendships shift with new classes, teams, interests, disagreements, and growing independence. A child who was central to a group may suddenly feel peripheral.
A friend making another friend is not automatically betrayal. Help children distinguish sadness about a change from a right to control someone else’s relationships.
Avoid treating every change as a permanent social verdict. Ask what remains positive in the friendship and what new connections might be possible.
Children who have more than one social setting may feel less dependent on a single group’s approval. Shared interests, clubs, neighbourhood activities, and one-to-one friendships offer different opportunities.
Encourage children to express a genuine preference, disagree politely, or spend time with another friend without asking a group for permission.
Notice kindness, reliability, curiosity, and fairness. Avoid praising popularity as though it were proof of personal worth.
Adults can require respectful conduct, but they cannot manufacture genuine friendship. Pushing children to include someone in every private plan can create resentment instead of belonging.
Ask how the group works and how your child feels in it. Avoid automatically labelling one child the leader or villain based on a single story.
Help your child understand social dynamics, make independent choices, and build varied connections. If behaviour becomes targeted harassment, intimidation, or sustained harmful exclusion, use the separate Bullying Guide for protective steps.
Belonging should not require a child to surrender their values, dignity, or freedom to choose friends.